Film Review: Gray Matters

I guess my idea of a review means expressing the thoughts I have had about a film, and not necessarily a rating, on a scale or anything of that sort. This movie did in fact make me think. I've had an interesting year (in the last 12 months sense of the word) actually half year. There's been a theme that has actually been touched in the movie, Gray Matters also. The film was produced in the mid- 2000's and features Heather Graham as the lead character. The tag line of the film is something along the lines of "Follow the comedic tale of a brother and sister who fall in love with the same girl".

To pre-emp any other thoughts that may currently be running around your head, I probably should give you an idea of who/what I am. I am a little "l" liberal, enjoy politics but support people instead of everything that a particular party stands for. I prefer being a person of balance and truly give consideration to all sides of any story or set of beliefs. During my teenaged years, my closest friends were the "bandies", who in my case was primarily also the fairly right wing religious cats. They are super duper nice people, but I can't say I ever fully got behind the extreme views that they held about certain things. They never really sat perfectly well with me, even though they were very special friends to me then, and remain so today.

I am a very passionate, positive, creative, communicator/ dreamer types. Always full of lots of ideas, thoughts, imaginings, dreams... I am overly analytical as well, and put a lot of value on connecting and really understanding people, how they are feeling, what they believe, what they hope for and what they are hiding. I pride myself on being extremely observant and also very sensitive to people around me. Contrary to how it is probably coming across to you right now, I don't actually like talking about myself, sharing what I really think (so as not to offend or upset anyone else) and telling people my stand on things. It's not that I am ashamed or hiding something, it's just that I don't actually get asked by many people, and I don't often find the place/time to share those things without sounding like I am trying to push my own beliefs on others. If asked, I will share, it's just opportunities to be asked don't come along. I would say I keep myself guarded a fair bit, but am always dying to open, to be transparent and to be known, intimately, by others.

Back to Gray Matters, I felt that I could identify a fair amount with the main character. Gray, was a 20-30 something, put extreme value on her relationship with family(in her case, her brother, in mine- my biological family, and those friends of mine that are platonic and as tight as family). This focus on being close to friends and family, was in contrast to her lack of any dating/romantic relationships. She was driven and pleased with her life despite the lack of a romantic link, excited by her career and the things she was accomplishing in those realms.

In my life, other than a boyfriend during high school for 2 years, I haven't dated anyone. Not that I haven't had crushes on MANY, it's just that I am a horrid flirter and nothing became of the attraction. I explained it away as being not mutual, however, I really don't know why I had no luck; maybe I came across as being content the way things were, too confident in who I was, too busy, too college/career oriented, maybe I didn't seem needy enough? Not sure! In any case, I haven't been in a relationship since 1997.

On the movie, after Gray and her brother are challenged to find themselves romantic interests by their friends at a dinner party, they go to the dog park and Gray helps her brother meet a pretty girl they see. They invite the girl out to an un-threatening dinner for three and in a short time the brother decides to marry the girl, Charlie in Vegas with Gray going along as a witness for them. While Gray and Charlie are trying to celebrate her last night of single bliss, they sing with Donna Summers, get smashed and end up drunkenly kissing each other back in the hotel room before falling asleep.

For Gray, it totally freaks her out in a completely over-reactive scene of her pacing for 6 hours asking herself "what just happened". She clearly understood that there was something favourable about the experience despite it's brevity, and spends most of the rest of the movie trying to figure out what it actually meant to her. The movie is meant to be a comedy, so some of the situations are done rather "cheesily", for lack of a better word, but the intent of the piece is what I find most intriguing!

Earlier this year I had a supper with someone close to me, who decided they really wanted to come out of the closet to me. They had done it with their mother this past summer and it was something really important to her to express it herself to me during that meal, instead of me hearing through the grapevine as she came out to others. I can't say it was a surprise, I think everyone knew for quite a while, maybe it was the girl "roommates" she often brought to functions. It was something that was fairly common knowledge, despite never being overtly expressed. I appreciated the effort and difficulty that she seemed to have with coming out to me, and made sure that she felt my support and my never-changing care about her. I could tell it was like lifting a weight off of her shoulders and I was happy to be there for her and with her at that extremely important time of acknowledging who she was.

During our conversation I couldn't help but think about my VERY "out" friend from high school. I can't say back in HS I ever really thought about who was a lesbian and who was not. There were a few guys that were openly gay, but none of the girls I really knew well were. I have kept in touch with her a little since HS, and had a very fun time dancing to James Brown songs at the pub with her and her then girlfriend at our 10 year reunion. I know that she also had an interesting journey of coming out to her family and friends and just recently exposed that side of her life to her teenaged brother in the last year, despite being one of the most "out" girls I know.

In the movie, Gray seems to SUDDENLY realize her attraction to women, after just one kiss... No idea before that one moment, no idea about it when they share some otherwise intimate, yet not sexual, situations. It feels a little weird and yet a little bit familiar to me. Is it wrong? Is it a poorly written movie... well, maybe, but still I think that people probably have very different experiences regarding relationships and romantic love. I wonder if there was some compulsion from the writers to suggest that because Gray didn't date guys for so long or find a guy to date that she must be a lesbian. Is that the way that the world thinks? Does that mean because I haven't dated a guy since 1997 that I must be a lesbian too? I don't know. Maybe, just maybe, there is something to the correlation? It's not that I don't meet or know guys I find attractive. I would drop everything if George Stromboulopolous suddenly called me up with a wedding proposal. But at this time, I might do the same for that mysterious and breathtaking mid-30 year old lady that asked where the washroom was behind me in the Sobey's express line this afternoon.

I'm not big on labels, and don't really completely understand gay culture, but I know that I like people, no matter what they are for race, gender, size, hair colour. Those things don't matter to me, whereas the personality, integrity, and character do. Should I put a name on myself so I can identify better with others or can I simply know what I am about and be willing to share that if anyone takes an interest and asks?

My thoughts are also with the nation of Haiti. I hope that those who are injured get helped soon, and those who have lost everything get the aid they need to survive, grow, love, share and find happiness again.

Home from a few months of hobo-ness...

Traveling rocks my world. Traveling also tires me out.

So, since my last post I have partaken in another trip, a great one for many reasons. But also one that made me want to settle and relax back home for a while. I left NS on October 12th for Glasgow, Scotland. Took in my first Wintersleep show there the same night I arrived. My parents joined me the following day and we began our figure 8 tour of the UK.



It was fun (seeing places so different, old and unique), challenging (living in cramped quarters with the same people), and just the right length of time. We traveled to Inverness and explored some of the north of Scotland, then along the eastern coast and to Edinburgh for a few nights. We continued into England- Windermere, in the Lakes district, Manchester and Liverpool for a night each. We spent a few nights on the Isle of Man, where my cousin also joined us to meet and spend some time with some distant relatives. It was an amazing time- hearing stories of my grandmother and great grand parents that I have never met and slowly sorting out how my family came together. It was also an incredible time of getting to know my cousin, since we were never super close during my childhood.



We concluded our 3 weeks with a couple nights in Bath, sightseeing to Stonehenge and Lacock, then a night with an old Bielefeld friend, Philippa, in Brighton. Our last two nights were in London, and that was awesome.

Sadly, upon our landing in Halifax, we found out my last grandparent, Nanny Rowe, had passed away in St. John's, Nfld. It took me by surprise and brought questions of mortality back into my mind. Heading off on a plane the day after getting home, might have been just the tipping point.

Gladly, the funeral was a nice closure... I didn't go to my poppy's funeral when I was a kid since we couldn't afford to go back and it has always felt rather surreal. Seeing Nanny, feeling her cold hand, closed eyes, perfectly coiffed hair resting in coffin rest in my mind as the moment she was gone for me. My brothers, cousins and myself were the pall bearers- a first for me, but a fitting tribute to the fact that she was moved into death with her legacy close at hand.

Nanny despised the thoughts of people dwelling in a dreary state, gawking at her at her box and sobbing endlessly. She insisted that her funeral be a party. That was the one nice thing about the trip back home to Nfld. Many of my cousins and all my mom's siblings were back. We had a fabulous time hearing stories from Aunt Cheryl, hearing the jokes of Geoff, laughing at the silly comments about the funeral brochure Aunt Maxine picked up for herself and enjoying the wonderful cooking of Uncle Don's neighbours.

We had a champagne toast and gathered all together for a few minutes. Some of the family were missing, but most were there. It was truly a wonderful moment of togetherness. RIP Nanny.

I arrived home in time for Yarmouth's biggest party to date for 2009, the Annual provincial event- Music Nova Scotia "Music Week" Showcases and Awards. I was volunteering and when not "on the job" I was soaking in the new acts and old acts of NS musical ability that I'd never seen before. Showcases were happening Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights with a large award show and gala on the Sunday night at the arena. It was quite something. I enjoyed every minute of it, have added many artists to my iTunes as a result and many new friends to my FB and life.

This month has been an eye opening one. I have learned a lot about myself, my desires, my family (distant and near) and about the world in general. I have much more that is swirling around my head, but I think it might actually require me to consider starting a separate blog... a little more anonymously to get those thoughts out there. So as not to incriminate the innocent. Sadly there are some of you that I think could contribute to that but that would defeat the purpose of anonymity... But I digress... Inquire within if the suspense is now killing you!

It's too late to be adding pictures, so I will try to VERY quickly find a couple to highlight the last few months on the road! Enjoy!

Funerals...

Funeral- a ceremony honoring a dead person.

But you know what I think it is more a time when everyone else contemplates their own existence. We think and consider the passed and our memories of them, but as a result it makes us, no FORCES us to also contemplate our lives and the indeterminate time we have left.

Why so morbid you ask? Well, I went to my first non-Inuit funeral today in Yarmouth. The father of one of my friends, as well as a meaningful photographic mentor of mine, Sandy Bain. This guy was top notch. He was an extremely talented artist, photographer and I knew him through his ownership of the local Camera Store down at the end of my street as I first began taking pictures and bought my first SLR camera in grade 10 or 11. He was patient, creative and very kind. I loved checking out his shots around Yarmouth, and enjoyed talking to him about my shots, how to improve them, and different tricks of the trade. He passed away this weekend and his memorial service was today.

It was honestly one of the most beautiful services I had ever experienced. It captured his nature- easy going, warm and friendly. The family insisted on it being an informal dress, with a very touching tribute and song by Bruce Rainnie, who now works for CBC as a Sportscaster, but used to be a local radio broadcaster. He shared some humourous stories of commitment and quality time spent together, of inside jokes, of pranks and of eternal memories that bonded them so long ago. It took everything within in me to hold back the rush of tears. So beautiful was this deep connection that he clearly felt to Sandy, something that as was explained, built from time spent talking daily on the phone, evenings spent playing music and talking, sharing thoughts, points of views, dreams and hopes.

There were nods and smiles all over the crowd. From others who had felt a similar bond, who had experienced a same depth of friendship with him. And it made me start thinking.

What would people say about me? Could anyone comment in the same way about spending lots of time with me? Will there be nods and smiles of acknowledgment around the room or will I be only known as the transient off and on former resident- so and so's sister or so and so's daughter? If I never find a 'love interest' in my life, will anyone ever feel the deepest, strongest and closest connection to me that most people in this world have? Who will I leave a legacy to? Will many people say that I had impressed something real, and significant on them that changed the way they think about the world?

What will I leave behind? And now, what about you?

Summer's NOT over!!

So, if this had been any other year I would likely be taping up my final boxes, doing final family and friend dinners, packing bags that are already over- sized, and thinking through the planning things I have to get ready for my class... BUT NO. That is not my plight this year and it is SO refreshing! Instead, I am enjoying the sun, books, nephews (and family), house hunting, lounging in the mini pool, travel planning, music, my new sparkle pink bass, ummm, and just relaxing!

I have been taking as much time as I can over the last couple weeks to read my book(which sadly has not been much time with house hunting, cleaning up/cooking for the 'rents and general entertainment). This book is awesome, "Dreams from my Father" by Barack Obama. Needless to say it was published before he was in the Presidential race, so it was somewhat before he was famous, but boy does he ever have a way with words. I feel like I know him from this book- he is SO candid, open and shares his thoughts and experiences of his childhood, teenaged insecurities and young adult decisions and pathways. PLEASE check it out!

So, I have less than a month before my California/Hawaii/Calgary trip takes place and I am getting super excited! Lots to do before then and I hope I can figure out a way to pack super light... which I think will be a challenge since I am a "sweater" and go through a lot of shirts in the course of a week. West coast launderomat visit, hmmm, don't know if I scheduled for that!!

I am also including some pictures from my first few weeks home. My family, Seafest activities, concerts and of course a few fireworks too!