Silhouette on a cloudy day...
Cloudy again, I guess in a sense it looks like rain is on the way. The foreboding of the next three days is over my head and makes me a little frightened. My schedule is very heavy, no prep periods on two of those days, and it is my first time to live through it.
But the mystery and worry that is in me is so small and in 20 years will this be one of the things I remember. I doubt it. Reading Nannan's blog today, I am reminded of the fact that there are people in this world with pain. Some have physical and some have emotional pain. I don't take joy in their pain, or make light of it, but I want to acknowledge it, for we often take our own situations for granted.
My students lives are not the easiest. But sometimes I am so consumed with worry about lifes little bumps, and completely overlook that for them, finding a quiet and safe place to sleep some nights is a major challenge. I often wonder what I have done to deserve the life I have right now. I can't explain how fortunate I feel at times, and I sometimes get so overcome with gratitude for it.
BUT the fact remains that there are those in need all around us everyday. Those who need our love, those who need a few bucks to make it through the week, those who need our patience, those who need our emotional support, those who need a word of wisdom and challenge to help them improve and make good choices, those who need a helping hand, those who need a word of encouragement to realize their own potential, those who need a thank you to feel important... Time is often our excuse to overlook those needs. Sometimes people hide their needs behind a smile, and others share them hoping for a connectio to be made... Either way, we must open ourselves. We have all been there, we have all felt despair... None of us is too good to pain...
My hope is that I would not overlook the needs that are around me. I pray I would have discerning eyes, to see past the masks people wear to hide their need, and I also hope I would have the integrity and love to support and share the burdens of those who voice them.
In 20 years, those wil be the thoughts and experiences that WILL be remembered. And I pray that my life would be full of such memories. For I do not know where I would be today without those who love and have shown kindness to me.
During cloudy days like today, we have a chance to see the way things really are... we do not have to squint or be blinded by the sun, but everything is easy to see. We get perspective of what is ahead and our pupils are more opened when the sun is gone, so that we may bring more light into ourselves so we can see more clearly.
But the mystery and worry that is in me is so small and in 20 years will this be one of the things I remember. I doubt it. Reading Nannan's blog today, I am reminded of the fact that there are people in this world with pain. Some have physical and some have emotional pain. I don't take joy in their pain, or make light of it, but I want to acknowledge it, for we often take our own situations for granted.
My students lives are not the easiest. But sometimes I am so consumed with worry about lifes little bumps, and completely overlook that for them, finding a quiet and safe place to sleep some nights is a major challenge. I often wonder what I have done to deserve the life I have right now. I can't explain how fortunate I feel at times, and I sometimes get so overcome with gratitude for it.
BUT the fact remains that there are those in need all around us everyday. Those who need our love, those who need a few bucks to make it through the week, those who need our patience, those who need our emotional support, those who need a word of wisdom and challenge to help them improve and make good choices, those who need a helping hand, those who need a word of encouragement to realize their own potential, those who need a thank you to feel important... Time is often our excuse to overlook those needs. Sometimes people hide their needs behind a smile, and others share them hoping for a connectio to be made... Either way, we must open ourselves. We have all been there, we have all felt despair... None of us is too good to pain...
My hope is that I would not overlook the needs that are around me. I pray I would have discerning eyes, to see past the masks people wear to hide their need, and I also hope I would have the integrity and love to support and share the burdens of those who voice them.
In 20 years, those wil be the thoughts and experiences that WILL be remembered. And I pray that my life would be full of such memories. For I do not know where I would be today without those who love and have shown kindness to me.
During cloudy days like today, we have a chance to see the way things really are... we do not have to squint or be blinded by the sun, but everything is easy to see. We get perspective of what is ahead and our pupils are more opened when the sun is gone, so that we may bring more light into ourselves so we can see more clearly.
posted by Gillian at
5:49:00 PM
8 Comments:
You are such a sensitive soul-- you seem to see directly through to the core, to feel-and to empathize,and yes, all of us are needy in some way--- my hope is that those around you will recognize your needs as you do theirs---- I guess that's what I like about this blog world-- it's on a different airwave/channel/frequency than our day to day encounters---we don't need to be so heavily masked or fortified for some reason---- but it really has been an honour getting to know you--- and you make my world a nice place!!!
Thanks for your observations... you describe the person I desire to be but feel like I will never quite make it...
I agree with you about the blog world... the funny thing is how when I first was introduced to your blog and started commenting, I was kind of scared that I didn't know anyone that was in the "blog world"... Now, I feel like I am in a family... I feel like i can share the things I am feeling and thinking and that I don;t have to worry about being misunderstood or judged...
This is a true testament to all of you who read the blogs! I love openness of the communications, and like Nan, everyday I am excited to see what messages I have received and what everyone has posted...
thanks,
G.
You write so beautifully. I hope you can understand, that I hide my pain behind a mask of so-called humour. I always have, all my life. At work, at play, at home..I was the funny one. That's how I made it through.
So, if sometimes I sound frivolous and silly..you will know..that it hides much deeper things.
It's the only way I know how to cope! I would really like to call you my friend...Thanks, Marsh....
Hey Tuffysmom:
I am usually the same way, using humour a lot... thats probably why I love reading your blogs and comments!
I have noticed though that even using humour can SOMETIMES heal a broken spirit. There has been many a time I have used humour and then found myself enjoying the joking so much that the worries are lost.
My favourite part of Reader's digest was always "laughter is the best medicine" and maybe there really is something to it!! thanks for the post!
Later,
G.
LJLC- thanks for the comment... It's nice to have you back, there was a hole when you were away!
Nan- I just re-read your original post and wow, I feel like you were given those words- it's prophetic over a very significant event that happened to me a few years ago!
Just two days ago, I was chatting with a woman I know fairly well,that is having a really hard time where she is. She feels really lonely and upset that people are only using her to get something instead of wanting to be her friend for that sake.
I was trying to encourage her a bit and also to warn her that bitterness towards those others can really hurt her. I decided I would share the story of my most regretted action of my life... It started when I was upset for people not noticing hurt that I was feeling. (Note your comment- "my hope is that those around you will recognize your needs as you do theirs") Hmmm... maybe I will have to share the story after all?!
G.
Hi G,
Very well written, there have been many times when I have wondered what I have done to deserve the life I have, I had hope sof furthering my education, Early Childhood Education was high on my list, I even too a course in non-violent crisis intervention and mangaed to take half a course in gentle teaching through a family services program before the funding to that program was cut,this was before I had finished highschool and was fortunate enough to be able to participate in for free..Both of these are courses that are taught in the Early Childhood Education program in which I sought to take...But as fate had other plans for me, I did not get into the course until a week prior to it starting and was unable to secure the funds needed to secure a seat, and spent the next 10 years pretty much attending to the needs of my neices. I do not begrudge not attending the course, or the time that I soent in the care of those beautiful little girls. I probably learned more taking care of them then I ever wold have learned in any course. Now I have the adventure of my new life before me, a man that I love to add to the love of my family and friends...I know that I am truly blessed in many ways, the pains that I have had in my life have served to show that I can endure what life throws at me, builds character and shows me I am alive...
Take care of yourself G,talk to you soon.
Tammie
Beautiful. Your life so far has included many absolutely awesome experiences...
To have had the nieces to look after- not one of my bros or cousins (from Yarmouth-my dad's side) have been married yet, but I would have loved to have had the chance to learn about mothering from that kind of role...
To have a man that loves you- ahhh, my dream (from my previous blogs I am sure you can tell how jealous I am!!!)
As per the dream of taking ECE- it is never too late... maybe after your family grows and the kids are grown maybe that will be the time!
Your positive view of the past 10 years is the part that is the most refreshing. You've done so much that has affected lives! I can only imagine what is in store in the next 10 years!!
Thanks for posting!
G.
G-thank you
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