Troubles and blessings...

So, I have this dilemma: Do I open the door to my heart and soul to everyone? Or do I guard this knowledge from those who might use it to hurt me?


So, I was thinking today about the nice parts of living and working in such a small community and also the negatives. I enjoy the fact that usually there is a lot of comradery among the staff, since we all work and live in each others laps. Where my house is located, I have teachers living upstairs, and two teacher families right across the street, one house away from them, are two other teacher families, and next to my house are two more buildings with another 6 teacher families. (I'll try to take a picture of the teacher ghetto we have going here when it is light out to help you picture this!)

Basically we are always around each other. Most of us have best friends and spend the majority of our freetime with other teachers. Which is fine, but it has it's drawbacks. For one thing, we can easily get on each others nerves and little things that you would typically overlook with colleagues, becomes blown out of proportion because people know way too much about each other. I also notice that in staff meetings, sometimes the way people joke and kid around, using language which might be offensive, would never happen in a staff meeting in the south.

Today I was in a discussion with another teacher and she was complaining about that very fact- a francophone using a specific swear word flippantly during meetings. It's funny though because I find that she uses a lot of sexual jokes that I am not really very comfortable with (but brush off since I think it is simply her way of demonstrating her friendship.) She didn't seem to notice the difference between our school relationships and those between staff in the south.

I don't know why I get annoyed by that... talking about it now makes me notice how truely small and meaningless a discussion it was. Maybe it was just the person that was saying it that made me annoyed, since this person tries to make big deals and crusades over the smallest little things. But reading it now, makes it easier to drop.

I also helped another teacher to get set up on blog. She wanted to prepare a website for a business that her and her husband are starting. I realized though that I don't want to tell her about my blog. Is that selfish of me? I am afraid that if she were to read it she would read too much into things I say and feel and get upset with me because we have been through some really trying times in our relationship- where this woman was always getting mad at me for things that I would say that she would simply misinterpret. She drained me mentally and emotionally for a long time, until I just cut ties. I think that I could not be as honest and open as I am with you all. She is very complicated and with whom I cannot be myself because she doesn't understand me and judges me constantly... Sad to say that she is one of my friends... maybe you can see why I am so happy to have all of you in my life!

Is this just silly fears? Or do you think that sometimes it is easier to hide certain things to maintain peace with complex people? I hate to think I am two faced, but see it more as I only expose the part of me to her that cannot be misunderstood. Oh what to do? You are all so supportive, open-minded and uplifting... Thank you!